I have a bit of pent-up rage going on today (my Spanish professor is legitimately the most irritating human being on the planet), so I figure I’ll channel that rage into a blog post. Yay!
HelloGiggles featured a post today entitled “Your Fictional Fantasy Boyfriend Might Be Making You Fifty Shades of Miserable.” (Take a few minutes to read it … it’s pretty good.)
After reading it, I started thinking about expectations. Then I started thinking about one of my major pet peeves (that I’m also guilty of, so don’t think I’m just attacking others… I’m attacking myself a bit too):wanting a man who’s like ______.
I’ve been noticing this more and more lately: “I want a man like Christian Grey.” “I want a man like Channing Tatum.” “I want a man like Edward Cullen.” (why????????)
For me, it’s been “I want a man like Ron Weasley.” “I want a man like Finnick Odair.” “I want a man like Owen Armstrong.” (Bonus points for the person who gets that reference without looking it up!)
But then I realize that that’s a LOT of pressure to put on both myself and my boyfriend. F and I have been together for well over a year, and while I 100% accept him for who he is, I still find myself swooning over literary men.
I think what we women fail to realize (or tend to ignore) is that men like Christian, Edward, Finnick, etc…are scripted.Yep. They are not real. Every word, every action, every EVERYTHING is written. They are from the imagination of their writer.
And — holy crap revelation — they’re all written by FEMALE writers. No wonder they’re perfect!
Now, I’m not bashing female writers — hell, I’m a female writer myself. The male characters I’ve created in my stories are handsome, adoring, and sweet. But the problem with these characters, especially ones like Christian and Edward, is that they’re coming out in movies. They’re becoming more and more real.
But how many average, everyday guys look like this?
I’ll wait while everyone fangirls out. 😛
Seriously, though. I legitimately think this is what women are starting to expect. They expect their boyfriends/husbands to look like that.
But there’s also the expectation for men to act a certain way as well… To be the doting, I-want-you-and-only-you Noah (“The Notebook”). To be the adorable, love-struck Tom (“500 Days of Summer”) To be the rich, handsome, protective Christian/Edward (“50 Shades”/”Twilight”).
Again, those men are all scripted. Everything they say and do is planned out and perfected by the writer. So how can we as women expect men to be this way in real life?
We can’t. And if we want to be happy, we shouldn’t.
My boyfriend is none of those literary men I named earlier. And yet, he’s wonderful in his own way. He’s quirky, sweet, loving, genuine, and pretty much exactly what I need. Is he perfect? Absolutely not. But neither am I, so how could I expect him to be perfect? I can’t. And I won’t.
So, for those of you readers who are holding out for your own Christian Grey… my advice is to move on. Lower your expectations, because Christian Grey is not real. (Also, he’s an asshole.)
Find a man who is perfect for you, not perfect by society’s standards. Find a man who is spontaneous, not scripted.
Trust me (I know from experience)… you’ll be much happier. 🙂