Break time! (Or “my getting-to-the-end anxiety”)


*screams and waves arms around wildly*

Okay, so I’m not really doing that. But inside, I’m so, so happy.

My patience has been wearing thin. I’ve been here since (technically) last year, aside from a week home in May. I’m really ready to be done with Lock Haven for a little while.

It’s not that I don’t like it here. In general, I do. But after four years, I feel like I need to be doing something different. I’m ready to graduate and start my life.

There is one thing that worries me, though.

In high school, I had friends. I wasn’t a loner. While I was dating my high school boyfriend, though, I really started to grow apart from everyone. Therefore, when I left for college, keeping in touch wasn’t my number one priority.

Disclaimer: I am REALLY bad at keeping in touch. Apologies in advance.

Anyway, some of my closest friends were the people who I met through Antioch, my church youth retreat. I felt so welcome and so loved by the people who were in the Antioch program. It was easily one of the best parts of my life.

Once I left for college, things changed. That, of course, was inevitable — I couldn’t expect everything to stay the same when I was three hours away. But when I came home for break, I went to church and was pretty much all but ignored by everyone who I used to be so close with.

Again, I’m HORRIBLE at keeping in touch. So I assume majority of it was my fault. (It still hurt, though.)

Now I’m nearing the end of my college career. In five months I’ll be leaving, and chances are I won’t be coming back this way much (aside from coming to see F’s parents and to visit a few select people). And I guess I’m afraid I’ll be forgotten again. Afraid that when I come back it won’t make a difference to most of the people I’ve become friends with over my four years here.

People change. Lives change. Like at the end of high school, I can’t expect things to be the same forever. But it’s kind of weird that the place I’ve called “home” for the past four years isn’t going to be home anymore. Home will once again be New Jersey, and Lock Haven will simply be a place that holds some of my most cherished memories.

Tomorrow I will leave Lock Haven for three weeks. I’ll be going to Seaside (another home <3)  and I’ll have the opportunity to spend time with my family and catch up with a high school friend who I haven’t seen nearly enough over the past few years. The week after that I’ll head to Maine for some more family time (and LOTS of reading!)

With 58 books on my Kindle and over 20 in a tote bag, I’m ready for vacation and some much needed down time.

And when I come back, I’ll (hopefully) be well-rested, in a much better mood, and ready to start my final semester.


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