“Any kind of love is fine; it’s your hate you have to watch.” [Margaret Cho]

I am the product of divorce. My parents split up when I was eight years old. At the time, all I could think of was that mommy and daddy would no longer be living together. I had no idea that it would someday be much more than that. Yes, like many of my peers and the people of my generation, I am the product of divorce. But I am also the daughter of a lesbian mom.

When I look at my mom, I don’t immediately think “gay.” Many people don’t. Instead, I think of the incredible, beautiful, loving woman who has made me who I am today. She has helped me get to and through college. She has supported every decision I have ever made, even if it may not be the “right” thing for me to do or what she agrees with. I am not gay, and I do not think I ever will be. However, my mother is and always will be my greatest inspiration.

So for anyone who thinks someone who is a homosexual cannot be a good parent, consider this: a sixteen year old drug addict is met with resistance when she wants to abort her baby; she has the child, does not give it up for adoption, and raises the child around many negative influences.

But a homosexual couple who has been in a committed relationship for many years has a hard time and meets resistance for wanting to raise a child together. The equality debate currently rampant in the media is not (or should not be) just about marriage; it’s about the rights of gay people, which are often stifled. Marriage is only one small part of the whole.

For those of you trying to save “traditional” marriage, please consider these “traditional” marriages, straight from the Bible:

– King Soloman & any of his 700 wives. (Kings I)
– Tamar & Judah: a levirate marriage in which the wife of a man becomes his brother’s property if the husband passes away. (Gen. 38) (see also Ruth & Boaz in the book of Ruth)
– In Deuteronomy, it says that the victim of a rapist shall marry her captor. (Deut. 22)

Now, these are just three quick examples pulled from my Core Texts class notes. But folks, these are all BIBLICAL examples. Challenge me, if you want, but these are what I think of when I think about “traditional” marriage. Is this really what you want to save? Of course not. So we’ve obviously already moved on from these kinds of “traditional” marriages, as these kind of marriages are no longer relevant in society (I hope). What you’re trying to save is the marriage between a man and a woman, which, frankly, does not need saving. Whether it’s a man and a woman, a man and a man, or a woman and a woman, love is love, and marriage should be an option for ANY kind of love.

And think about this — a gay couple getting married will have no effect whatsoever on your marriage. Chances are you don’t even know the couple. They are not fighting against your marriage; why must you fight against theirs?

The fact that a gay couple is not entitled to the same rights as a straight couple is heartbreaking. The way things currently are, even in states that allow gay marriage, there is no federal protection for gay couples who choose to take advantage of their state’s laws. For instance, a spouse in a heterosexual marriage is entitled to inherit his/her spouse’s money if the spouse dies. However, in a homosexual relationship (marriage, in many cases), the same rights do not apply, and many gay people have found themselves having to pay steep taxes on what they “inherit” from their same-sex spouse. (See the Edie Windsor case.)

Straight or gay, everyone should be entitled to the same rights. The fact that not everyone is, in 2013, is appalling. Could you imagine if an interracial couple faced the same prejudice? “I’m sorry, you have to pay taxes on your spouse’s estate because you’re black and he/she is white.” I don’t think so.

My mom has been an incredible parent for 23 years, both for the eight years she was married to my dad, and for the 14+ years since their divorce. I have many friends who, like me, have grown up with at least one homosexual parent, and they have turned out just fine. Yes, I have anxiety issues. And yes, I deal with depression. But my mom has been there to help me through those issues as well. I’ve turned out just like – if not better than – most of my peers. So what if my mom is gay? That doesn’t make her any less of a mother. If anything, she is stronger because of the adversity she has faced as a result of how this country views homosexuality. She may not fit exactly what this country wants to see as a parent, but to me (and to my siblings, I’m sure), she is an incredible, inspiring person and mother. And one day, if the time comes, I want her to be able to get married without anyone even thinking twice about it.


3 thoughts on ““Any kind of love is fine; it’s your hate you have to watch.” [Margaret Cho]

  1. Karen T. says:

    Caity, this is beautiful, both your words and the emotion behind them. I am proud to be your Mom’s friend and ours as well. Xxoo

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